


Play Pretend

by oreob1tch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-03-21 08:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13737492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreob1tch/pseuds/oreob1tch
Summary: It's only for the weekendJohnny will tell his mom that they broke up. It will be over.He won't have to pretend anymore.So why doesn't it feel like pretending?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Woooo this chapter is super short. It's like.. preface?  
> Anyway, I promise, the chapter will get longer and more interesting. I'll work on that.  
> If you like it, please leave kudos and/or comment, it would really mean a lot to me.

"I'm in trouble."

Everytime Chittaphon hears this, it really means Johnny is in trouble. Unfortunately, when Johnny does something stupid, he messes up real bad. And someone might say that after years of being friends he would eventually get used to it, and yeah. He kind of did. Living with the older is not exactly the easiest thing.

"What did you this time?" He looks up from his book.

It's not like Johnny is a trouble maker or anything. He's just..well stupid, in some ways. He makes things too complicated for himself. And most of the time even for Chittaphon.

"I didn't do anything." The older sighs and plops down on the couch, placing his head on Chittaphon's thighs. "Mom called. She invited me over for Thanksgiving."

"That's a good thing, isn't it? You haven't been in the States for ages." he looks down at his best friend and frowns immediately. "It's not just that, is it?"

"She invited me _and_ my boyfriend." Johnny murmurs, hiding his face with his palms. The thing is - Johnny _doesn't_ have a boyfriend. He's that kind of person who is way too occupied with school to have any kind of social life and if it wasn't for Chittaphon, he probably wouldn't even have any friends. Or food for that matter.

"And why exactly does your mom think that you have a boyfriend?"

"I told her few months ago that I was going out with someone because she was trying to set me up with her friends' sons."

And Chittaphon understands why he did it, why he said what he did, he does. But what the hell?

"Say that he's too busy?"

"I tried. She's not having any of that. She wants to see him. And what my mom wants, my mom gets."

"Just like you." Chittaphon snickered and got hit in the face with a pillow.

***

Johnny met Chittaphon during his second year of university. The younger was in his first year, dance major. They met during Johnny's dance lessons that he attended only for the cute instructor who could move his body in the most sinful way but still be cute as heck. And who also turned out to be straight. Johnny's heart broke a little.

But soon he realized that there are more people worth seeing, like the smaller man that kept making bad jokes and who talked to Johnny in English. And Johnny was in Seoul for so long that talking in English felt like the best thing ever. After a proper introduction, Johnny invited Chittaphon over for few drinks. Two hours into their night, they found out they had a lot in common and few weeks later, shortly after Johnny admitted he would appreciate having a roommate, Chittaphon moved in.

They have been best friends ever since. Johnny has never looked at Chittaphon as a potential boyfriend because he is like a brother to him and that would be more than weird, right.

But he is desperate, he is in trouble and he _trusts_ the Thai man.

"Be my boyfriend."

"Excuse me?" Chittaphon spits out his coffee all over the table. He stares at him wide eyed and Johnny sighs.

"Just for the weekend, please. I need my mom to believe I am taken. And who else knows me better than you? I promise, it would be for that weekend only. Please Chittaphon."

Chittaphon he knows he should say no. He shouldn't even think about it. But Johnny is right. No one knows him better than him. And they can always say they broke up, if she ever invites them over again.

He finds himself nodding but already hates it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello there, it's been a while  
> Mainly because I was too lazy to actually sit down and write something.  
> Anyway, here you have another chapter. If you like it, please leave a comment or kudos or idk. You know the drill. Love you xx

Since they don't really talk about it, Chittaphon forgets about the whole thing pretty soon. Johnny doesn't mention it until a week before their break and also their departure.

"So.. mom bought the plane tickets for us." he says over dinner. Chittaphon looks up, confused, before he remembers.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I thought I could pretend to be sick or something but she really is not having any of that."

Chittaphon shrugs and takes another bite of his chicken. "I mean, I made my peace with that. I'll pretend to date you for few days and we'll 'break up' after.  It's okay."

It isn't okay though. Now when he thinks about it, he has this weird feeling in his guts and he hates it. But he already promised and he isn't going to call it off just because he's scared of god knows what.  
They are friends. They did things weirder than that. And it's not like he will have to kiss him or anything, right? The more he tries to comfort himself, the more nervous he gets.

"Thank you, Chitt. Really, I don't know what I would do without you." Johnny smiles at him and the younger boys chokes on his spicy chicken. How did he never  noticed that Johnny's smile is this nice? How can a simple smile make him feel so warm? What the hell is going on here.

"You'll see, I will be the best boyfriend you will ever have." Johnny adds and Chittaphon laughs.

"Sure, sure. If you will be the same as you are now, no wonder we will eventually break up."

"That's mean." the taller boy pouts and Chittaphon has to hold himself back not to coo at how cute he looks. This whole thing just got really weird. And he wants to back off even more. But he won't. Because he promised. Because Johnny is his best friend. Because he actually wants to go to the States.  
And maybe, just maybe, because he really wants to see how good of a boyfriend Johnny will be.

"Okay, but won't she ask us how we met and stuff? Because we need a story." the Thai says suddenly, pressing the fork against his lower lip. "Do we want a casual love story or a tragic one?"

Johnny laughs, amused by his best friend's attitude. "We're not writing a novel here, Chitt. We're fake dating."

"Don't ruin my moment." the younger waves his hand at him, the fork dangerously close to Johnny's eyeballs. "Let's say... hmm... something believable. _We used to be best friends. And then, one day, Johnny realized how handsome I am. How completely irresistible I am. His heart beat quickened every time he looked at me. And then he couldn't take it anymore. He pressed me against the wall in this very kitchen and -"_

"You're stupid." Johnny interrupts him and laughs. "I am not going to tell her any of that. I doubt she'll ask anyway."

Chittaphon shrugs and takes one last bite of his meal. Maybe she won't but it is certainly better to have some kind of story, just in case. He doesn't want to start stuttering if Mrs Seo asks any unexpected question. But if his friends says it's not needed, then it's his problem and _he_ will answer if his mom asks anything. Why would Chittaphon care anyway.

He's going there just for the food, let's be real here.

***

Few days go by and then Johnny starts yelling at him to start packing. Things get pretty hectic. Not only at the dorms, but mainly in school. Every single professor wants like three hundred assignments to be completed before the break, so Chittaphon spends everynight pulling an all-nighter. The only reason he isn't sleeping in class is the huge amount of coffee he drank before leaving.

But he can feel his body getting more and more tired. Fortunately, he really did complete every single assignment he was given so tonight, he can finally enjoy his well deserved sleep-

"We're going to a party tonight, Chitt!"

-or not.

"What?" he looks at his roommate. "Are you out of your mind? I am tired, Johnny. I am not going anywhere."

"Come on, please? I can't go alone. Hansol will be there."

"Then just don't go if you can't be in the presence of your oh so very straigth dance instructor." the younger mumbles and falls face first on the couch. When Johnny doesn't answer, he groans and looks up.

"Why exactly do you _need_ to go?"

"I promised Hansol I would show up." Johnny frowns. "I  know, I know, I shouldn't have, I am stupid. But I am trying to be his friend!"

"Then try alone."

He just really wants to sleep, for at least twelve hours straight, and then spend several hours on the plane, also sleeping, before meeting Johnny's mom.

But Johnny is Johnny and Chittaphon is stupid and has a soft spot for his gigantic best friend.

So in the end, he only slept for like three hours before the older woke him up to get ready for the party. The last thing he needs is to get drunk so he decides to be the responsible one and stay sober.

Which is the exact opposite of what Johnny does. As soon as they arrive, he starts drinking. Chittaphon sits there, alone, in the corner, looking around and smiling at people he has never seen before. Most of them are friendly, already  pretty drunk and he has few nice conversations. Soon though, he realizes that he lost Johnny.

He groans and places his cup of soda on the table, standing on his tip toes and looking around.

And then he sees him. His insides get tied into a knot and he swallows the lump in his throat. Johnny is making out with Hansol. _The_ Hansol. His straight dance instructor.

He can't name the weird feeling in his chest but he doesn't like it. He sits back down and grabs the plastic cup from the kitchen table. It's not his soda, it reeks of alcohol and Chittaphon doesn't care.

He hates that Johnny is making out with someone while he has to sit there and wait for him. He could have been sleeping by now.

Yes, that's the reason.

That must be the reason why is he so upset.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello, guess who's back.  
> So I actually forced myself to sit down and write something.  
> I listened to 텐데 by NCT U while writing this so if you feel like this chapter is somewhat weird, I blame the song. Or basically anything but myself.  
> If you like this chapter (or the story in general), please leave a comment or kudos. Thank you

"You look mad."

Chittaphon looks up and sees his history classmate, Dongyoung.

"I thought that Hansol is straight." he points at the two of them, not kissing anymore.

"Oh he is. It was a dare." Dongyoung shrugs and sits on the kitchen counter next to Chittaphon. He grabs the cup from his hands and smells it.

"Johnny said you were the driver."

"Haven't drunk it yet." Chittaphon mumbles and looks away from the two tall guys, one of which is his best friend. Dongyoung smiles and nods before drinking it himself.

"Good. You're not going to drink it at all. Be safe, remember?"

But the younger doesn't pay him much attention. His stomach still feels weird and he doesn't know why.

"So, why exactly were you jealous?"

"I wasn't jealous." He anwers way too quickly. "Johnny is my best friend."

"Yeah, sure. Jungwoo is also my best friend." the older nudges his shoulder.

"You two are dating."

"Exactly my point."

There's silence after that. Chittaphon is lost in his thoughts. He wasn't  jealous. He's not the type to get jealous. He knows that Johnny has a lot of other friends and he has never been jealous of them.  He admits that he's not the happiest when he sees girls flirting with the older of the two but that's because it's just annoying, right? Because Johnny isn't even into girls. Yes. That's why. And now he's upset (well he wouldn't admit that he is _upset,_ but he's certainly not the happiest) because ...?

He groans in frustration. He's tired and wants to go home.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?" Dongyoung speaks up and Chittaphon sighs.

"I don't want to ruin his night just because I am tired." He answers without giving it much thought. Dongyoung frowns.

"Tired? I meant - nevermind." Suddenly his face lights up and Chittaphon looks around to find the reason behind Dongyoung's blinding smile.

_oh._

"Hi!" Jungwoo smiles widely at the Thai boy and hugs his boyfriend who pulls him closer by the hip. "Enjoying it here?"

"It's much better now, when you are here." The oldest of the three winks and Chittaphon gags. Kind of jokingly, kind of not. They are, indeed, very cute together. But there's something about seeing them all happy that makes his chest clench.

"I'm gonna find Johnny." He says and both Jungwoo and Dongyoung nod. He grabs another cup of soda and leaves the  kitchen. He likes them both but he really doesn't need to see them making out. And they're not so far from actually doing it.

The music blasting from the speakers makes his head hurt even more and he really wants to go home. So when he finally spots Johnny, he actually feels relieved. Until he sees Hansol.  
And it's nothing againt the oldest of the three, he actually likes him, he's a good dance instructor and all, but just knowing that he made out with Johnny who still likes him, even though he might say otherwise. Chittaphon isn't stupid and he knows the older better than he knows himself. He can tell, from the way he looks at him, from the way his voice changes whenever he talks about him, from the way he moves his body when they're dancing and Hansol is watching.

"Chitt! Where have you been?" His best friend yells when he notices him and pulls him closer. He reeks of alcohol and Chittaphon sighs. Getting him into the car will be pain in the ass.

"Hi Hansol." He smiles at the oldest, trying to look as natural as he can. He gets greeted in return and then they both look at Johnny who keeps drinking god knows what.

"We should leave soon." Chittaphon reminds him and Hansol looks at him confused.

"Why?"

"We're leaving to Chicago in the morning." Johnny mumbles. "My mom wants to meet my boyfriend." He points at Chittaphon. "But he's not my boyfriend. We'll pretend so that my mom stops making me date her friends' sons."

"Oh." Hansol looks even more confused and Chittaphon feels highly uncomfortable. He doesn't want anyone to know about their little play pretend.

"Can we go?" he tugs on Johnny's sleeve. "Please, I am tired."

"But I am having fun." Johnny pouts and hugs Hansol, pretty tight. Chittaphon wonders if the oldest can even breathe. Maybe if he passes out, Johnny will be finally willing to leave.

He shakes his head to get rid of such stupid thoughts.

"I haven't slept much in the past week, Johnny please." he whines and Johnny huffs.

"Stop being such a brat Chittaphon. Wait for a little longer."

But Chittaphon's done with waiting. He shouldn't have come to this stupid party in the first place.

"Find someone who will take you home, Seo. I'm leaving." he turns on his heel and struts away.

But because he's not that big of an asshole, he walks up to Dongyoung and Jungwoo and asks the latter, who doesn't drink alcohol thus is sober and capable of safe driving, if he could take Johnny home in few hours. The younger nods and smiles.

"Sure, no problem."

"Thank you. I owe you a dinner or something." and quickly adds : "You too, Dongyoung." when he sees him glaring at him. They say their goodbyes and Chittaphon leaves the house soon after. It's cold outside and he wraps his jacket tighter around his torso.

He gets inside the car and sighs. Suddenly, he doesn't want to go anywhere. He doesn't want to go to Chicago, he wants to stay here or go home to Thailand. He doesn't want to spend a whole weekend with Johnny, especially not after.. this. Whatever it was. Whatever it is that he's feeling.

He's so confused and the idea of pretending to be his boyfriend seems to be the most stupid thing he could do now.

But he's a good friend -and extremely stupid - and he promised. So he'll keep his promise. Whatever it takes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's actually doing their best to update as often as possible!  
> Anyway, if you like this chapter, leave comments or kudos, or anything, everything is appreciated and your feedback keeps me going.

He's woken up by a warm hand on his cheek and a faint "Come on, wake up." whispered into his ear. He's not sure if it's a dream or reality but either way, he could wake up like this all the time. The warmth radiating from the palm is nice, comfortable even, and there's something about the voice that makes him feel safe.

He hums, nuzzling into the hand pressed against his cheek, eyes still closed, when the person chuckles. "Wake up, Chitt."

It dawns on him then, there's only one person who calls him that. His eyes shot open and he's met with smiling Johnny. He sits up and scoots away from him, frown on his face. The smile falls from Johnny's lips, replaced by a somewhat sad expression.

"You're still mad." It's not a question so Chittaphon doesn't feel the need to answer. Of course he is mad. Not that he really has a reason to. Johnny is an adult and he can do whatever he wants and whoever he wants to do it with.

"Look, I am sorry. I should have been more considerate. You gave up sleeping to go with me to the stupid party and I should have left with you when you wanted." He looks genuinly sorry and Chittaphon sighs.

"Just make me a coffee, you idiot."

"Already done." Johnny beams when he sees that the younger is no longer mad at him. He leans down and presses quick kiss on his forehead.

"Dress up, we need to leave to the airport soon."

Chittaphon shakes his head when the older leaves his room. One stupid sad look and he's willing to forgive him anything.

***

Johnny spends most of the fourteen hours long flight awake. His best friend's head is on his shoulder, one of his arms holding Johnny's. It feels comfortable, listening to Chittaphon's even breathing.

Yet, in his thoughts he's still coming back to the previous night. He kissed Hansol. His very straight dance instructor. He's been trying so hard to let go of all the feelings he has for the older and yesterday's party ruined it all. And it's not like he wants to be with Hansol because he's very much aware that that's just not happening, it makes him realize how nice it would be to have someone who he can kiss whenever he wants, someone whose hand he can hold, who he can cuddle when he feels clingy.

And the more he thinks about it, the clearer it gets, that this certain _someone_ isn't Hansol. Yes, he's very pretty, but what he felt for him was more...physical than anything else. And he tries to tell himself that it is what he wants, what he craves, that relationships are overrated. That he doesn't need a significant other to be happy. He's been single for years and he's just fine.

Chittaphon stirrs next to him and he looks down on his sleeping form. He could live just like this, with his best friend who's as clingy as he is, who is willing to cuddle him when he wants to. He could live with Chittaphon without any kind of relationship, until the end of days. He doesn't need love. And he wishes his mom would understand. Because then he wouldn't have to use his best friend as his fake boyfriend.

Soon, sleep takes over him too and he dreams of smaller hands holding his and about warm hugs exchanged in the middle of the night.

When they land, his mom is waiting for them. When he sees her, he quickly grabs Chittaphon's hand, who looks up at him and smiles warmly, squeezing his hand assuringly. _It's okay._

He introduces Chittaphon to his mom who smiles widely. "Aren't you Johnny's best friend? He told me so much about you but didn't mention not even once he fell for you."

Johnny can feel his face reddening. The Thai doesn't have to know that he spent hours talking about him while on the phone with his mom. He feels embarrassed. But Chittaphon doesn't say anything. Yet. His mom continues. "But now, as I'm looking at you, I am not even surprised. You're so lovely."

"Thank you." Chittaphon says quietly, blushing hard himself and Mrs Seo smiles even wider.

"He's so cute, Johnny." she hits his shoulder playfully and for once, he agrees with her, Chittaphon really is cute.

On the way home, both of them are quiet while Johnny's mom is talking. She talks about the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner with their whole family (at which Chittaphon's breath hitches. He kind of didn't expect to meet every single one of Johnny's cousins while pretending to be his significant other. He gets very nervous), about the weather and how _awful_ it is during this time of the year. ("It's so cold! Is it cold in Seoul too?" at which Johnny rolls his eyes. "Of course mom, of course it's cold in Seoul too.")

"So.. When you started dating?" she asks, looking into the review mirror as she's parking the car in the driveway. Johnny freezes because _of course she asked_ and Chittaphon warned him about it. He should have listened. He's thinking about the answer when the boy next to him speaks up.

"Three months ago." Chitt says quickly so the silence doesn't get weird and awkward. "It took Johnny long enough to actually realize he's in love with me." He takes his travel bag and flashes her his wide charming  smile.

"Sounds like Johnny." She giggles and Johnny lets out a shaky breath because thank god that his best friend is like this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though it took me a while to write this, another chapter is here. It's currently almost 2 AM here where i live and i should be sleeping. But no, my brain decided that this is a great time to write, so here it is.  
> Please, keep leaving comments, they always make my day and keep me going.

 

Now, he should be happy that his mom loves Chittaphon, except he isn't. It's going to break her heart when he tells her that they split up. But it'll be better that way, she'll get over it.

But will he? They're obviously not really dating but there's something about hugging Chittaphon that feels comfortable and familiar. And even though the two of them are no strangers to skinship, this is different.

It's different every time Chittaphon laces his fingers with Johnny's longer ones, it's different every time he presses himself closer to the hug. His mom is smiling so widely every time she notices and even his dad looks happy for them. And Johnny starts realizing this was a very stupid thing to do. He'll hurt people he cares about. They all love Chitt, of course they do. Johnny doubts there's someone who could not love the Thai. He's adorable, kind, nice and funny. He offers help when Johnny's mom obviously needs it and no one else cares. Johnny watches them from afar and his heart clenches. He could get used to this. He could get used to seeing them like this more often. It dawns on him that he would like to have Chittaphon here for every thanks giving, that he wants him here all the time. His best friend's presence is calming even if the boy is nothing but calm. He's energetic, running around, helping with preperations, laughing at Mr Seo's stupid dad jokes and Johnny finds himself smiling like an idiot. This is ideal. And he only hopes that when he falls in love for real, when he introduces his real boyfriend to his parents, they'll love him at least half as much as they already love Chittaphon.

"How are you holding up?" Chittaphon asks him after their first dinner in the states. He's holding his wine glass, sipping from it ocasionally and Johnny finds it adorable for some reason. He knows how Chittaphon is when he's drunk. He's cute and clingy and loud and he can't wait to see him like that now, when he's sober. That's going to be a first.

"I'm fine." he shruggs and shakes his head when Chittaphon offers him his glass. "I am glad they like you this much."

"Yea, tell me about it. I thought they'd hate me. But they're amazing. So tell me-" he pauses to drink some more of the wine. "-what went wrong? I mean, look at you!"

If anyone else said it, Johnny would be deeply offended, but as he sees the wide smile plastered on Chittaphon's face, he just doesn't have the heart to.

"I hate you."

"No, you love me, remember?" he leans in closer and sticks out his tongue and Johnny scoffs. _Yeah, right._

Chittaphon is incredibly close and how come that Johnny never noticed that the brown of Chitt's eyes is the prettiest shade he's ever seen? How come he never noticed that Chittaphon smells so nice?

"Aren't you going to kiss him?" Mom's voice makes him step away from his best friend and look at her. No. No kissing. That's the rule, right? There has to be rules about what you can do while pretending that your best friend is your significant other.

"No, not when you're here." He answers quickly and puts his hand on Chittaphon's hip. The younger purrs contently at the touch and Johnny makes a mental note to ask him later, where the hell did he get such amazing acting skills.

"I don't mind." Mom laughs and both boys roll their eyes. Gross. And then the smaller  boy turns his head and kisses his cheek and giggles right after and Johnny's chest explodes with warmth and this strange unknown feeling.

"Oh my god, you two are so cute." His mother screeches and Johnny wants nothing more than to be swallowed by the floor. This is so embarrassing, he can feel his cheeks being on fire, and Chittaphon's body pressed against his isn't helping much.

"I will get you to bed, okay?" he looks at him and puts the empty wine glass down. Then he takes his hand (in case his parents are watching, of course) and leads him to his old bedroom. It's still the same, just a bit tidier than he remembers it being. But the walls are still the same shade of green, the furniture is still the same. It's old and _familiar._ "You'll sleep here."

"What about you?"

"I'll sleep in the guest room." he smiles softly when Chittaphon falls face down on his bed. The covers are the only new thing. They look new and even smell new.  
The boy laying on them turns on his back and looks into Johnny's eyes. "Don't."

"Hm?"

"Don't sleep there. Sleep here. With me."

And it's a bad idea, god it is such a bad idea because the bed is too small for both of them and because they never shared a bed before. They  cuddled, sure, but never slept together in the same bed. It's going to be strange and awkward.

Sensing the sudden shift in Johnny's mood, Chittaphon forces a smile. "Forget it, you should go to the guest room, so we can both get some proper sleep."

And at first, Johnny doesn't want to. He wants to stay and cuddle Chittaphon the whole night. But the other one is right. He _should._ So he does.

"Stupid jet lag." he groans and tosses and turns on his bed again, for like the zillionth time. He's been staring at the ceiling for hours now, waiting for the sleep to come.

His phone buzzes and he grabs it, squinting his eyes at the sudden harsh light.

(2:20 AM) **Chitt:  
**_You awake?_

(2:20 AM) **Johnny:  
**_Wide awake. Can't sleep._

At least he's not alone in this, he thinks and smiles. Good to know.

(2:22 AM) **Chitt:  
**_Would cuddles help to fall asleep?_

Johnny laughs out loud. Just as he thought, Chittaphon is clingy, even though all the alcohol he consumed is probably out of his system already.

(2:23 AM) **Johnny:  
**_Most probably,yes._

(2:23 AM) **Chitt:  
**_Come and get them, then._

And that's how Johnny finds himself pressed against Chittaphon's back, their legs intertwined. The bed is too small but it's still kind of comfortable and Chitt smells really nice. Soon enough, Johnny finds himself drifting off, unconsiously gripping his best friend's waist tighter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't proofread this so I'm sorry for any mistakes and errors.

More often than not, Chittaphon is sure that he is pretty much dumb. He was super dumb when he agreed with this whole thing and even dumber when he actually went along with it. He was dumb when he texted Johnny in the middle of the night, asking him to come to cuddle him.

But now, he feels the dumbest. Because he actually feels happy,finding himself in Johnny's arms. The elder is wrapped around him, his head on Chittaphon's shoulder, one of his legs thrown over Chitt's hips. He's warm and it feels nice. And that's not what it's supposed to feel like. It's supposed to feel weird. It's supposed to feel wrong. But the Thai finds himself hugging Johnny tighter, closing his eyes for few  more seconds.

Soon enough, he hears the door opening and a gentle gasp that definitely came from Johnny’s mom. He opens his eyes and – yes he was right – she smiles at him.

„Sorry, I should let you sleep some more.“

„No, it’s okay,“ He groans. „We need to get up and tire ourselves out, stupid jet lag.“

She smiles even more brightly and her smile reminds him so much of the boy sleeping beside him. Mrs Seo leaves and he stretches out his limbs, careful not to kick or hit Johnny in any way. Even though he probably should. To wake him up.  
For one crazy second he thinks about waking him up with a kiss. But he shakes his head and forgets that quickly. No. They’re behind closed doors now. They don’t have to act all coupley. No one will see anyway.

„Hey, fatass, wake up.“ He says rather loud and Johnny groans, burrying his face into Chittaphon’s chest, his warm breath tickling.

„Get up, I’m hungry.“

„Eat me.“

„Gross.“

Johnny laughs, loud and clear and beautiful and Chittaphon’s heart clenches. _What the hell._ „Alright, give me a minute.“ His lips are touching his skin as he speaks and  Chittaphon wants to cry.

After the promised minute, Chitt kicks him down from the bed and Johnny stands up, frowning. „You’re a shitty boyfriend.“

The younger sticks his tongue out. „Break up with me then.“  The American leans in, their noses almost touching. „Not yet, I haven’t even smashed.“

„You’re gross.“ Chitt pushes him away, getting up from the bed himself and walking to his suitcase to get fresh clothes. He’s trying to act like everything’s fine but once he’s in the shower, finally alone, he sighs. _Crap._ What is he even doing? What is this? He shouldn’t feel this for Johnny. He shouldn’t feel _anything_ for Johnny. They’re best friends. That’s it.

But the more he thinks about it, the clearer it gets. He likes him. And, he’s always liked him, obviously, that’s why they’re friends in the first place. But this is something else. He’s never thought about holding his hand and sharing a bed with him before. He’s never had the need to kiss him breathless before. And he wishes he never went to the stupid party because that’s where it all began. If he didn’t see him kissing Hansol, he’d be fine. If Doyoung never said anything about jealousy, he’d be fine.

It would probably sleep down in him and it would never get to the surface and he’d be okay because that would mean he wouldn’t want to kiss someone who’s supposed to be his best friend _only._

After he takes the shower and dresses up, he leaves the bathroom and goes to the kitchen. Johnny’s already there, his hair still bit damp and he’s stuffing his face with pancakes.

„You look cute, babe.“ He comments and Chittaphon’s breath hitches. It’s for the show. Only for their little play pretend.

„Thanks,“ he winks at him but doesn’t say anything else. He’s not sure he can without breaking down.

Usually, he eats a lot. He loves food. But all the things that happened and that he realized made him lose his appetite.

„Are you okay, sweetie?“ Mrs Seo asks and he nods, forcing a smile.

„Sure, I’m just not feeling the best. I blame the time zones.“

She pats his head comfortingly. He can feel Johnny staring at him. Does he know? Is he so obvious?

After the breakfast, Johnny takes him out to show him the town. He’s talking about his favorite places that are connected to his childhood memories and he tells him all the stories about all the thangs that little embarrassing and awkward Johnny Seo did. He’s literally sparkling as he talks about that and Chitt wants to stay like this forever and immediately doesn’t. No no no. He needs to stop that. This all needs to stop.

Johnny suddenly takes his hand and smiles at him shyly. „If we met my relatives.“

_Sure. Of course._

He doesn’t say anything out loud. Not at this at least. But other than that, he enjoys the walk, he enjoys listening to Johnny’s rambling and talking in English again, after such a long time of speaking mostly Korean.

„Is everything really okay, Chitt?“ The elder asks all of a sudden and Chittaphon sighs.

_No, it’s not. Of course it’s not you dumbnut._

„Sure, why?“

„You seem tense.“

The Thai just shakes his head, once again, without an answer. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Because then he’d spill everything and that would be bad and unnecessary.

„You would tell me if something was wrong, right?“ The taller boy speaks up. Chittaphon nods.

„Of course.“

Lying never hurt more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back. Yes. Me.  
> So I finally got to update again. It's a shorter chapter but I felt like it would be better to end it here. If you like this mess, please leave any kind of feedback.

They're walking around for few more minutes before heading back home. Chittaphon changes into nicer clothes and does his hair. And then it is the actual dinner. Which is a mess. Chittaphon has never seen so many people at one place, except for university parties.

Most of Johnny's relatives are nice, except for that one homophobic aunt that probably every queer person has. She sends them few dirty looks as Johnny and he enter the dining room holding hands, but says nothing. But the rest actually tries to have a conversation with Chitt. Generally, he has a good time, the food's amazing and the Seo's joke around making him feel great, making him feel _home._ And that's no good because after this weekend, they're supposed to break up. And for one brief moment Chittaphon doesn't want to. And they're not even dating.

When most of the food's gone and everyone's basically having a food baby, Chittaphon included, Johnny's mom stands up and starts cleaning up. Chittaphon offers his help but doesn't wait for the answer, helping immediately anyway. Mrs Seo smiles at him widely and then looks at Johnny. "Keep this one, dearest."

Chittaphon stomach does a flip. _Oh no no no._ The older boy just giggles nervously and Chitt wants to throw a plate at him.

***

Few moments later, when everything's cleaned up and everyone's in the living room watching old home videos, Johnny takes his best friend aside.

"Are you sure you're okay, Chitt? You seemed fine until my mom mentioned keeping you. I know that I made you do an awful thing so please, tell me what's wrong."

Before the shorter has a chance to reply, that homophobic aunt of Johnny's laughs bitterly. "Oh look, they're standing under the mistletoe, like they don't even know about it."

And well, they didn't. Chittaphon looks up and curses quietly. Fucking hell.

"Well go on." His mom encourages him and then turns her head away, back to watching the tv. Chittaphon feels like crying. He can't kiss him. He just can't. Everything will crumble down if he does.

But then Johnny's leaning in and then he captures his lips and Chittaphon feels like he's melting. It's an innocent kiss at first, just their lips touching, but then Johnny presses him closer and licks his bottom lip and the younger one gives in. He gasps into the kiss, letting Johnny's tongue in and tilts his head for a better access. It's breathtaking - literally - and oh so good and he even forgets that he's kissing his best friend. _The_ best friend, that he has crush on. The best friend that will never like him back. Who doesn't see him the way he sees Johnny.

"Get a room you two!" the aunt spits out angrily at which Mrs Seo says: "Oh shut up Karen."

Chitt pulls away, light headed. He just made out with Johnny. The said boy smiles at him softly, looking just as dazed.

"I should go to bed." he says, suddenly freaking out, trying to get out of Johnny's embrace.

"Wait for me." Johnny whispers and Chittaphon almost passes out. No. He can't do this.

"I think you should sleep in the guest room tonight." he tells him before leaving him all confused under the damn mistletoe.

***

Two hours later, the door to Johnny's old bedroom opens and the previous owner of the room steps in. The Thai pretends to be asleep but forgot that Johnny's been living with him for long enough to know when he's faking sleep.

"We should talk." he says, voice low, as he sits beside Chitt on the bed. He just took a shower and smells really nice and Chittaphon hates him for it.

"I don't think so."

"Come on, Chitt. Are you angry at me? I need to know."

The smaller man sits up, confused. "Angry?"

"That I kissed you.. No, that I made out with you. I didn't ask, I just did it. I'm sorry. I promise, it won't happen again."

The Thai doesn't say anything. What should he say anyway? That he didn't mind? That he would like if they kissed again? That he likes Johnny? In the way he will never be liked back?

"It's okay."

"Are you tired?"

And even though he really isn't, Chitt finds himself nodding. Ignoring his previous request to stay in the guest room, Johnny lays down, pulls Chittaphon into a hug and covers them with a blanket. He's so warm and Chittaphon feels weird, being held like this. Positively weird. Safe, even. He hates it. He turns onto his side, looking at Johnny's face. They're so close he can feel the other one's heart beat.

"I know I said I wouldn't but..." Johnny whispers. Chittaphon tilts his head back, curious.

"Can I kiss you?"

Instead of replying, Chittaphon moves over and presses his lips against Johnny's.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i just updated for two days in a row? yes.Will it ever happen again? NO.  
> if you liked this mess, please leave a comment, it keeps me going, seeing your reactions.

When Johnny wakes up the next morning, his head hurts like hell and his back is killing him. He seriously should stop sleeping on this tiny bed, especially with another person beside him.

He looks down on Chittaphon and smiles. So...they made out last night. Twice. And honestly, he doesn't really know why he did it, he only knows that he doesn't regret it. Yesterday, when they kissed under the mistletoe, he felt like he haven't felt in a really long time. Not even kissing Hansol - the guy he's been crushing on for ages - didn't feel this good. There was something about holding the smaller boy, about claiming him, that he loves.  
Maybe that was the thing that made him come into his old bedroom and kiss him once again.

The Thai stirrs in his embrace - wow they were _cuddling._ \- and Johnny grins as the younger one opens his eyes. Chittaphon blinks several times, confused, before pulling away.

"Slept well?" Johnny asks, trying to cuddle back into Chittaphon's side. The boy is warm and Johnny likes that. Also, they're best friends so it's not weird that they're cuddling.

"Kinda? Had a really weird dream that we kissed.." Chittaphon laughs before pushing the older away. "Wait....we actually did. Why did we?"

"You didn't like it?" Johnny asks, dumbly, because he certainly didn't sound like he wasn't enjoying it. But he shouldn't be thinking about that when they're talking about a serious issue. Kind of.

"I di-what? No. That's not the point!" The Thai tries to get out of the bed as soon as possible, avoiding any kind of physical contact with Johnny. It hurts. Last night he was all over him. But that was last night and it probably didn't mean anything to Chittaphon. Just because it meant a lot for Johnny doesn't mean his best friend feel the same. Not that Johnny feels anything anyway.

They were just playing their roles, weren't they.

***

The breakfast is surprisingly quiet. Johnny keeps glancing at Chitt who is always looking back at him, smiling sweetly. Johnny's heart hurts because he knows that it's just for the show.

He needs to talk to him. He needs to know what he did wrong. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. So, they kissed. Chitt should have seen it coming, since they're pretending to be dating. And they're best friends. Best friends kiss all the time, don't they?

If it's such a big problem, he won't kiss him, not even once, even if his mom wanted him to. But the younger is his best friend. And he doesn't want to lose him because of a stupid kiss, even if it was one of the best kisses he ever recieved.

Would it be weird if he told Chittaphon that he's a really good kisser? Yeah, it probably wouldn't really help, would it.

"Are you going to ignore me all day?" He asks as Chittaphon and he wash the dishes after the breakfast.

"I'm not ignoring you." the other boy smiles sadly. "Sorry. I know I freaked out. Just... you know, making out isn't really something best friends do. And I've seen a lot of ruined friendships because of such thing. I don't want that to happen to us."

"It won't." Johnny says, dead serious. "It won't happen to us, Chitt. I won't let it happen. You're my best friend and I need you."

Chittaphon finally looks up at him and puts the plate down, rushing over to hug his giant of a friend.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out." Johnny whispers and it takes all his willpower not to lean in and kiss the top of Chittaphon's head. He promises himself not to screw this up. He can't lose Chitt just because he likes kissing him and being close to him.

They're still hugging when his dad comes in. He only smiles, grabbing a cup of coffee that he left on the kitchen counter and leaves, giving Johnny a thumbs up as he's exiting the room. He only laughs.

"Wanna play some video games?" he asks after few seconds of them still hugging.

"This is the best thing you've said since we came to America." Chittaphon laughs, loud, clear and beautiful. Johnny's heart skips a beat. What the hell is going on.

***

They ended up playing some videogames and then, when they're tired of arguing about who is better and who is the loser, they cuddle up on the couch and watch the tv. Johnny's mom brings them snacks and Johnny is mindlessly stuffing his face with it.

"Feed me." Chittaphon speaks up and the taller boy groans before reaching for the grapes and then stretching his arm behind himself, trying to find Chittaphon's mouth without looking.

"That's my eye you idiot."

"Then take it!"

"No, feed me!"

Finally, he finds the mouth and puts the grape in. The Thai closes his mouth before Johnny can pull out his fingers so he accidentally licks them and Johnny feels himself blushing furiously.

"I have your saliva all over my fingers, you pig."

"You didn't mind my saliva last night." Chittaphon smirks and Johnny chokes. Well, he isn't wrong.

Suddenly, Chittaphon's phone beeps and the younger shoves Johnny's body aside so he can take out his phone from his pocket. Johnny glances at him and his heart stops when he sees the blinding smile on the younger one's face.

"Who are you texting?"

"Huh?" Chitt looks up. "Oh... my boyfriend."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there is another chapter. After this one, I'm going to take a short break during which i really want to focus on writing longer, better chapters. I decided that there would be 20 chapters in total and i want them to be my best.  
> Also thank you so much for the feedback on th previous chapter and this story in general. You guys are amazing. You keep me going. Reading your reactions always makes my day.  
> If you like this chapter as well, please leave a comment or kudos. xx

Chittaphon has a boyfriend? Since when? Why didn't he tell him? Is that guy okay with all of this?

There's this weird pain in Johnny's chest but it's probably because he feels betrayed. They tell each other everything, yet Chittaphon didn't tell him this.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

"Well not yet. We're going on our second date when we come back to Seoul." Chittaphon giggles. And even though Johnny usually find the sound of it cute, right now, he hates it.

Johnny usually knows about guys Chittaphon goes on dates with so he thinks of a person that is worth a second date. But he can't think of anyone. Beside Chitt's last date that happened few weeks ago.

"Taeyong?" he asks. Taeyong is a really nice guy from his economics class. He's been crushing on Chittaphon for ages, staring at him with heart eyes whenever he comes to the dancing classes. Chitt  has always said that he doesn't see him that way but he probably changed his mind. That happens.

"Yes. He's a nice guy. We have a lot in common. And he likes me."

Johnny knows all of that.Chitt told him when he came back from the first date. But there was a big "but" following all of this.

"And well, I thought about it. And he's kinda hot."

"Is he?" It's not like he doesn't think so himself, but he can't help but be bitter about it. Doesn't Chittaphon himself feel weird? He made out with Johnny just few hours prior. And now he's okay with going out with Taeyong?

He's lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out what is he feeling and why is he feeling it. But everytime he comes to the same conclusion. He feels betrayed. He is supposed to know things like that! He's looking out for Chittaphon. That's what best friends do. They look out for each other, they care about each other, they cuddle and occassionally, they make out... right?

***

Chittaphon has no idea what is he doing. He likes Taeyong, he really does, but as a friend! That guy is just so sweet and Chitt doesn't want to hurt him. But after what happened...

The kiss was a big mistake. He shouldn't have let Johnny kiss him again. He's only hurting himself because it doesn't mean anything to the older. He's only hurting himself, spending hours thinking about the feeling of Johnny's lips on his, about the pleasant weight of Johnny's upper body on his. He loved it and that's the whole problem. He shouldn't have.

So when Taeyong texted him if he wants to hang out when they come back, he said yes. He's moving on. He has to move on or it is going to eat him alive.  
And it's not like he completely dislikes Taeyong. He's really cute and Chittaphon can see himself liking him. But he knows, that deep down, he's always liked Johnny and that fact alone never let him date anyone, not seriously at least. And he's done with that. He wants to move on, needs to move on and let himself be finally happy. He deserves it.

***

"Well..." Mrs Seo sighs as they grab their bags from the car. "See you soon?" She's looking at Johnny but they all know she means both of them. The answer is no. But they still nod, smiling like they can't wait to be back here.

She hugs Johnny and tells him something, quietly so that Chittaphon doesn't hear it. It leaves Johnny blushing so he probably doesn't want to know what it was. Probably.

They're all still sleepy, as it's really early in the morning and Chittaphon already hates the jetlag. Why is that even a thing.

Mrs Seo stands there, not really knowing what to do and Chittaphon wants to laugh. Well this is awkward.

Then she hugs Chittaphon, just as tight as she hugged Johnny and he sighs. "I know he's stupid, sometimes." She says, quietly, just for him to hear. "But I know he cares about you and that you care about him. You make him happy."

Chittaphon's breath hitches. Oh no. _No no no no._

"I know he's stupid." he laughs, holding back tears. He's gonna miss her for sure. She pats his back and lets go. He hates the fact that they're lying to her. She's an amazing person.

When they're on the plane, Johnny falls asleep on his shoulder. He's staring at his sleeping face for few minutes before pushing him away gently. He doesn't like doing this, he loves being close with Johnny, that's what they are, how they work, but if he's supposed to move on, he needs to do this.

Soon enough, sleep takes over him too and he dreams of big warm hands and plush lips and without knowing, he's smiling in his sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi. I'm back with another chapter of this mess. Personally, I like this chapter. If you do as well, please leave a comment to let me know.  
> Thanks ♥

Two days later, the bell rings and Johnny goes to open the door since Chittaphon is in the bathroom, getting ready for his date.

It's Taeyong. Johnny knows him, they're kind of friends but not extremely close. He's a good person and Johnny knows that and under different circumstances he'd be happy for Chittaphon, he'd be glad that his best friend found himself a good boyfriend. But he's not happy for neither of them and he can't figure out why.

"You're here for Chitt, right?" he asks, forcing himself to be polite and not to shut the door in the guy's face. Taeyong nods and Johnny lets him in even though he kind of wants to let him wait in the hallway. But he's not that big of an asshole. Maybe.

"He's home?" Taeyong asks and now it's Johnny's turn to nod. He doesn't know what else to say. This is extremely awkward. Normally, he's talk to him, make jokes and so on. But today, he just can't force himself to. He doesn't want him there.  
The youngest then comes out of the bathroom and smiles widely when he sees Taeyong.

"Hello there handsome." he hugs him and Johnny notices that he kissed his cheek. Why doesn't Chittaphon kiss his cheek when he's greeting him? The pink haired boy greetes him too and he sounds shy and his face is red and it's kind of adorable but also gross.

"Ready to go?" Taeyong whispers and Johnny then leaves the room. He can't be there, watch them flirt. He can't stand the thought of the two of them holding hands or kissing or just going out for a dinner, which is exactly what the two of them are going to do tonight, according to Chittaphon. But Johnny's still bitter and petty and he will rather be alone in his bedroom than look at them being all cute and sickeningly sweet together.    
There's the sound of the door shutting close and he sighs, closing his eyes. What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he like this? Normally he's really supportive and wants Chittaphon to find someone who would love him no matter what. But now, when he actually found somene who adores him, he can't bring himself to actually like that guy. Though if you asked him a month ago, he wouldn't say a bad word about Taeyong because there's nothing bad about that boy. There's not a bad bone in his tiny body. The boy is too sweet and pure for his own good. Yet here Johnny is, getting mad at his existence.

He reaches for his phone and unlocks it. He needs to talk to someone. Usually when he's upset or sad or anything, he talks to Chittaphon but the said boy is the reason he's so confused in the first place so he doesn't think it's a good idea. Plus, he's not even at home. He's enjoying his night out with his new bofriend and - and Johnny's getting mad again.

So he dials the number that he didn't think he would dial ever again. It still feels kind of natural to just find his name in his contact list but he hesitates before he presses the dial button. After three rings, he picks up.

"Hello? Johnny?" His voice didn't change at all. Johnny is not surprised. It's still soft and quiet. Maybe even a bit surprised. That's understandable, they haven't talked in ages.

"Uhm..Hi. It's me.. yes. Can we talk?" his voice breaks at the end of the question and he doesn't know if it's from the nerves or the fact that he's so upset and confused.

"Should I come over?"

Johnny's shocked. He expected him not to talk to him ever again. He'd have more than enough reasons to tell him to fuck off.  But there he is, offering to come over. He's willing to talk. Johnny's never been more grateful for knowing him.

"Yes please." he sighs. Talking face to face is way more than what he hoped for but it's also what he needs the most right now. He doesn't want to be here alone.

"Do you still live .. there?" As if bad memories are tied to his place. Which they probably are. For him at least.

"Yes, the same appartment. You have the keys." he says before he can stop himself. It used to be a habit. He didn't realize that it's not anymore.

The man laughs, bitterly. "You know that I don't Johnny. I gave it back to you."

"Then just text me when you get here." There's nothing else he can tell him right now.

There's a lump in Johnny's throat that he can't swallow. He's nervous to see him, after such a long time. After the silent treatment that he gave him. Does he even deserve him? His friendship? Or whatever this is? No, the answer is - he doesn't. But he certainly needs it and he won't push the man away, not again.

He gets up from the bed that he was lying on and changes his clothes. It's not like he wants to look his best for him but at the same time, he doesn't want him to see Johnny like this. In old sweatpants, looking miserable. It's bad enough that he _feels_ miserable and doesn't know why. He can at least look like he has his life figured out.  
Why does he think that this man can help him? God knows. But it's worth the shot.

His phone beeps just as he puts on his favorite tanktop. It's a text from him. He got here quick,that's a bit of a surprise.

_I'm here._

That's all. Not that he needs anything else to let him in.

Johnny gulps as he opens the door. There he is. And he still looks the same. Except for his hair. It's a bit darker than it was when he last saw him. He looks up and smiles softly, putting his phone into his backpocket.

"Hello Johnny."

"Taeil. Hi."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE DOUBLE UPDATE  
> if you're wondering "oh my, what happened? two chapters in one day?" well that's because I'm taking a short break from writing. I planned twenty chapters of this story and today I realized that I don't have it all figured out. So when I come back, i'll bring better and longer chapters. I promise.  
> Please, leave a comment, let me know what you think. I love your comments, it makes me so happy.

He lets the older man get into the appartment. "Want a coffee or anything?" he offers, still nervous about everything. Taeil puts his hand on Johnny's shoulder, comforting him.

"Are you okay?"

Johnny looks at his face and then pulls him into a hug.

***

Johnny met Taeil during his first year of college. They met in the library, both reaching for the same book. Taeil smiled at him shyly and let him take the said book. Johnny found it so nice that he offerend to buy him coffee. Taeil blushed and agreed. That was the first of many more dates to come. They became really good friends but there was always a bit more, an undeniable attraction. They would hold hands and even kiss. While Taeil was pretty much straightforward about what he wanted, Johnny didn't want to ruin their friendship. They were roommates at that time and fucking things up would be very bad for both of them. He didn't want to risk that. But he liked Taeil, and the elder liked him back He felt loved and safe with him.  
In the end, they decided to try it out, take things slow and Johnny fell in love so hard. They had a beautiful relationship and then Johnny fucked everything up.

"If it's such a big problem to you to stay loyal, maybe we shouldn't continue being in a relationship!" Taeil cried out and Johnny froze, looking at him with wide eyes.

"You want to break up with me?"

"I am not going to date a cheater." the elder laughed bitterly. "I am not going to forgive you, not this Johnny. You should have thought about it before."

And Taeil was right. Johnny had no right to be mad at him because he was the one who ruined everything. Yet he was so upset that Taeil didn't even think about giving him another chance. "I think you should leave."

"Yeah, I think so too." He handed him the keys that Johnny got made for him before he moved in. "Bye."

After that, he avoided him. And Johnny decided that relationships are just not for him. So, to prevent himself from going through such pain again, he decided to  dedicate all his time to school. That's before he started attending dance classes and met Hansol and then Chittaphon.

***

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Taeil asks as they're sitting on the couch, two cups of hot cocoa on the table before them.

"Honestly? I don't know. I feel like everything's wrong. Ever since - " he pauses, not sure if he should tell Taeil about kissing another guy. But's it's been two years. They both have moved on.

The elder smiles at him, patient. "I'm listening. You can tell me everything."

So Johnny does, he tells him about Hansol and how he met Chittaphon. He tells him about the plan and the drunk kiss with the dancer. He tells him how much his mom loves Chitt and what he felt when they kissed. He admits that he dislikes Taeyong and that he doesn't know why. He talks for almost two hours and Taeil doesn't interrupts him once, just listens and quietly sips on his cocoa.

Johnny adores him for it. He's always adored him.

"And you... don't know what it all means?" He asks after and Johnny nods. "I mean... He's my best friend. So I'm upset because... he's my best friend?"

Suddenly it doesn't make sesnse. Everything he thought about all of this.

"Have you ever felt like that while kissing a friend?" Taeil moves a bit closer. "You said that kissing Hansol felt different than kissing Chitt."

"Chittaphon." he corrects him immediately. As if he' the only one who can call him that. Taeil smiles knowingly.

"Okay. You said it felt different kissing Chittaphon."

"It's because he's my best friend. Hansol is...Hansol. He's not a friend."

Taeil bites his lip, thinking. "Then kiss me."

Johnny blinks. _what._

"Kiss me. We're friends, aren't we. And you have no feelings for me. So it should feel the same."

Johnny hesitates. It's a bad idea but Taeil has a point. If it's true and it felt weird just because Chitt is his friend, this should feel the same.

He leans in and captures Taeil's lips in a kiss. He wanted it to keep it chaste, innocent, but Taeil knows that's not how he kissed the Thai, so he licks his bottom lip and deepens the kiss.

And it feels..wrong. The kiss itself is not bad, Taeil is an amazing kisser, but it feels strange. Wrong. As if kissing anyone else beside Chitt is wrong.

He can hear a gasp and it didn't come from him. Or Taeil. He opens his eyes and turns around. Chittaphon is standing there, few feet away from them and he looks like he's going to cry. Johnny gets up from the couch, walking towards him to ask what's wrong but the younger steps back, away from him.

"I'm.. sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you two." he mutters, leaving the apparentment once again just as Johnny calls his name to stop him.

He looks at Taeil, desperate, and the elder sighs. "Well? Was it the same?"

"It felt wrong. And now I feel awful because Chitt caught us and god knows what he's thinking  and - "

"You're in love with him."Taeil interrupts him. And the man never interrupts. He's too polite to do that. Johnny just blinks, mouth agape.

"What?"

"You love him. That's why it feels wrong to kiss someone else, that's why you were so comfortable pretending to be his boyfriend, that's why you are so jealous."

And it slowly dawns on Johnny. Taeil's right. He has feelings for his best friend. He messed up the best that ever happened to him with stupid feelings.

"What am I going to do Taeil?"

"Well, you better tell him when he comes back."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo helloo  
> So i just stoppped by to drop this chapter. please leave a comment if you like this mess. LOVE YOU

"How do I look?" Chitt comes out of his bedroom and Johnny looks up.

"I don't know. Normal?"

The younger huffs, frowning. "Come on! I'm going on a date, I wanna look good for Taeyong. So? How do I look?"

Johnny smiled, that kind of smile that Chittaphon doesn't see very often and that makes his stomach flip. "I was just teasing. You look great."

Chittaphon feels his cheeks warming up so he quickly gets into the bathroom to fix his hair. His plan isn't really working. He wanted to get over Johnny. Instead, he feels like he's falling for him even more. Since they came back from the States, he's aware of everything Johnny does and it makes him feel strange.

He hears the bell ring so he puts down the hair brush, sprays his hair with crap ton of hair spray and gets ready to come out.

"You're here for Chitt, right?" Johnny asks and Chittaphon wants to face palm himself. Well, of course.

"He's home?" Oh, they're equally dumb.

He chooses this moment to exit the bathroom. "Hello there handsome." he smiles sweetly and hugs Taeyong. Doesn't notice the bitter expression on Johnny's face.

****

The food is great. And he's probably going to combust if he takes one more bite. The atmosphere is great too. Taeyong is a nice person, he's funny and extremely cute when he's shy. Which is everytime Chittaphon compliments him.

But he's still not as cute as Johnny, when he's flustered. Or as cute as the said roommate when he's sleepily rubbing his eyes and yawning, looking as adorable as a little kitten.

But he pays attention to him, he's _interested_ in Chittaphon and the younger likes it. He likes Taeyong. He doesn't see him as a potential boyfriend, not yet, but he can get there. He just needs time.

"Chitt?"

"Chittaphon." he corrects him, out of reflex. He doesn't like being called Chitt. By anyone else but Johnny, at least.

"Your roommate calls you that." Taeyong points out with a small frown.

"He's trying to piss me off. Doesn't matter. So..What's the matter?"

"I just said that I was going to pay and then we could leave." Taeyong repeats and smiles nervously. Chittaphon nods.

"Already? You wanna get rid of me so soon?" he jokes and Taeyong's face flushes even deeper shade of red. Cute.

"Well, actually. I thought we could... go to mine?"

Chittaphon's heart skips a beat. He wants to say no but at the same time he wants to say yes, because he's _moving on._

"Sure, I'd love to." he winks at the poor guy and gets his coat. He's doing the right thing. Totally.

***

"Do you want something to drink?" Taeyong asks nervously. They both know they're not here to _drink._ Chitt smiles, suddenly just as nervous, and steps closer to the elder boy.

"Come on, I'm not here for that and you didn't invite me for that either."

Taeyong smiles and nods. "You're right."  And then they kiss. It's a bit awkward at first as they don't know what to do but it gets better pretty soon. Taeyong's a good kisser and Chittaphon doesn't want to stop kissing him. He can't help but compare him to Johnny and he hates that. He doesn't want to think about him while he's with the sweetest guy ever.

Taeyong gasps as they deepen the kiss and Chitt presses him closer to his own body. He wants him. Probably just to stop thinking for a second but he does want him.  
The older boy starts kissing his neck, biting the skin and Chittaphon groans. This is good. It's great. He's doing the right thing.

"Let's go to the bedroom?" The taller asks, suddenly sounding innocent though he's implying the most not-innocent thing ever.

"Yes. Sure. Let's go."

He can't believe he's doing this. He never does this. He's careful who he sleeps with, doesn't do these things spontaneously. Yet, here he is, with Taeyong above him, kissing and biting his neck and chest.

He's not thinking straight, it feels good and his brain is turning into a mush when he moans quietly "Johnny.."

Everything stops. He opens his eyes wide and hopes that the other one didn't hear him. But, of course, he did.

"Johnny?"

"I am so sorry, Taeyong, I wasn't thinking!" he sits up, waiting for the anger. But Taeyong's not angry. He looks sad.

"I kinda thought you liked him but...yea now I know."

Chittaphon feels like crap. "I never wanted to hurt you." he mumbles.

"I know." Taeyong's kidness hurts even more. "I know. But this wouldn't work anyway? You love someone else."

The younger sighs. "It doesn't matter. He doesn't feel the same?"

"How do you know? You gotta tell him. Even if it ruins your friendship. You need to tell him before it ruins you."

Chittaphon can't help himself and hugs the older boy tight. "We can still be friends, right?"

"Of course."

****

He's going to tell him. He will do it. If he wants to move on, he needs to get this off his chest. Taeyong was right.   
He opens the door and goes straight to the living room. If Johnny's home, that's where he is.

But as he enters  the said room, his heart sinks. Johny is there, indeed, with another boy that Chittaphon recognizes as Taeil, Johnny's ex boyfriend. And they're kissing.

He gasps as he almosts starts crying. No. No he's not going to cry in front of him.

Johnny gets up, walking towards him but he can't stay there, not even for one more minute.

"I'm.. sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you two." he mutters, leaving the apparentment once again just as Johnny calls his name to stop him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello i am back with another short chapter. it's a mess. We're getting closer to the grand finale. buckle up kids.  
> Anyway, please leave a comment if you like this mess because that really means a lot to me. I love you all to the Taeil and back.

Taeyong just stares at Chittaphon in confussion as the younger boy stands in front of him. "What are you doing back here?" he asks, still confused as hell. Not so long ago, the Thai went home to tell his roommate about his feelings for him and now he's back and he is crying. "Is everything okay? Did you tell him?" without asking any further, he lets him in and leads him to the living room.

"Didn't have the chance to." Chittaphon sobs. "As I came home...I found him making out with someone." He wipes away the tears but they still stream down his face anyway. "And it was his ex boyfried! Like..I don't know exactly what happened but he told me they didn't break up on good terms and now they're... back together i guess."

Taeyong feels awfully sorry for the boy. Mainly because he knows what it feels like to like someone and not being liked back. But now it's not the time to overthink that.

"Want to stay here for the night?" He asks and the Thai nods, wiping away the tears once again.

"Could you do me a favor?" Chittaphon asks as Taeyong is making something to eat for both of them. The older boy nods,not looking up, focusing on the cooking.

"If you ever run into Johnny... could you not tell him we're not together?" At that, Taeyong does look up.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want him to see me as the single loser I am. If he's back with Taeil he'll try to drag me along on their dates so I'm not alone and I don't really need that."

And Taeyong gets it. He does. And because he likes Chittaphon, he finds himself nodding. "Okay. Okay I won't say anything." but he knows it's a bad idea. "Want to talk?"

Chittaphon looks hesitant. Then, he shrugs. "I feel like getting it out might make me feel a bit better."

"Then go for it."

****

"Johnny, I swear to god, I will slap you if you don't stop pacing around. Just call him, for fuck's sake!" Taeil cries out loud and Johnny stops in his tracks. He turns around and frowns at the elder. "You think I didn't try that? Really? He's not picking up!"

Taeil sighs and gets up from the couch. "I should go."

At that, Johnny's face softens. "I'm sorry, Taeil. I didn't want to yell at you."

"It's fine, really." the elder smiles and pats Johnny's shoulder. "Good luck with Chitt."

"Chittaphon." the taller mumbles at which Taeil's smile widens.

"Yea sorry. Call me, when you're free. We could get coffee or something."

They hug and then he leaves. Johnny's all alone in the appartment and it feels strange and empty and heavy on his chest. He actually feels like screaming. Everything's ruined. The only good thing he had is gone because he's stupid and because he has feelings for his best friend who's probably taken by now anyway.

He shouldn't tell him. It would only make things worse. He's going to bottle it up inside until it eats him alive. But he cares about Chitt and he doesn't want to lose him even more.

His phone rings and he groans as he walks to get it. It's his mom. Oh god. It's time to tell her.

"Hi mom."

"Hello sweetie."

They talk for a while, about nothing and everything, about school and his auntie Karen. If Johnny could go back in time, he would never go to the States with Chitt. He would rather face his mom and say he doesn't want anyone and ignore all her attempts to set him up with someone. Because that one stupid weekend changed everything, ruined what it could and left him broken. And in love. But thinking about it now, Chitt has always been special to Johnny. Maybe he's always loved him. Who knows.

"How's Chittaphon?" she asks and he winces. _tell her. tell her._

"He's doing fine." he replies after a while. He can't do it. "Nerves from school, but other than that, he's doing okay."

"You really like him, don't you." she says and he can tell she is smiling.

"Yeah mom. I really do." he admits. If anything, at least this is the truth. The painful truth that he would rather not be aware of. "It's weird how can one person turn your entire life upside down, isn't it."

She chuckles. "It's a good thing. The most important people bring changes into our lives." And he feels like screaming, once again. Stupid feelings.

"I gotta go, mom."

"Sure. Take care, Johnny. Say hi to Chittaphon."

"Will do." But he probably won't and he knows it. He can't tell him that his mom still doesn't know they're not together. He will keep this for himself too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow you guys, I can't believe we're actually here. I just wanted to say a big thank you for commenting on every chapter. It means so so much. Also thank you for all the kudos and hits. I love you all so much.  
> Anyway, this mess is now here so enjoy and leave a comment if you did like it :))

Coming home has never felt so nerve wrecking. Chittaphon doesn't know what he should tell Johnny. He doesn't even know if the older is home and that is unusual because they tell each other everything, if they're home, when they go out, _everything._  
But things have changed between them and Chittaphon knows that and so does Johnny. Was it because of the little boyfriend thing? Probably not. But it certainly triggered it, whatever this is. And Chittaphon would be lying if he said that he doesn't miss the old days because he did. He missed being with Johnny without thinking about kissing him. Or even knowing what kissing him feels like.

His face grows hotter and he quickly tries to think about something else but then he's already standing in front of the door of their shared appartment and he can't think about anything else but Johnny. Again. As if he ever stopped.

The door opens and Johnny steps out, almost bumping into Chittaphon. He looks up quickly and freezes when he sees the smaller boy. Neither of them say anything for few long, awkward seconds. Then Johnny steps aside so Chitt can get to the door.

"I will be home in like an hour. Please be there when I get back, I need to talk to you." He touches the back of his hand briefly but it makes Chittaphon's heart stop anyway. What does he wants to talk about? There's nothing to be talked about.

But he nods and then gets in. The appartment is, surprisingly, clean. The dishes are washed and everything is when it's supposed to be and for a second Chittaphon thinks that it's probably because of Taeil and his heart starts hurting. Right. Taeil is a part of this now.

And he shouldn't be mad or anything, he has no right. They weren't actually dating so Johnny can do whatever and whoever he wants. And he should be happy for him, given the fact that the American has been emotionally constipated. But he's not happy. Because he wants to be the one he's in love with.

He sighs as he sits down on the couch. What the heck is wrong with him? He has this gorgeous boy willing to pretend for him, being there for him despite what he did and yet he's pining after his best friend who's taken anyway. Who got back with his ex.

And now, Chittaphon doesn't know much about their relationship and doesn't know what happened but he knows that Johnny was in a very dark place after that and he just doesn't want that to happen again. And it wouldn't if he just dated _him_ instead of Taeil.

 _This is going nowhere_ he thinks and groans. Maybe he should just move out to really move _on._   
The more he thinks about it, the better it sounds. Maybe he really should. He's sure that Doyoung and Jungwoo would let him stay at their place for few days and he'd find his own place fast.

 _Yes. I'm going to do that,_ he decides after a while of thinking. Maybe Johnny wants him to move out too and that's the thing he wanted to talk about with him. Well, if Chitt tells him first then it wouldn't sound like he's kicking the younger off.

**

When Johnny comes home, Chittaphon already has his suitcase out, ready to pack. The taller frowns but doesn't ask about it yet.

"Can we talk?"

Chittaphon looks up at him and smiles. "Let me just say few things first." When Johnny nods, he continues. "I think it will be for the best if I move out."

That kicks the air out of Johnny's lungs. _What?_ "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, it will be better. I'm sure you think so too. Especially now, when I'm dating Taeyong, things could get awkward."

"You're...dating Taeyong?"

Chitt notices the disappointment in Johnny's tone but brushes it off as a wishful thinking. "Yes. We got together yesterday. I wanted to tell you all of that but you had someone here so I went back to his." He forces a cheeky smile. "You can imagine the rest."

Johnny swallows the lump in his throat. No. No no no. No. Not again. He can't lose someone he loves because of his stupidity. Especially not Chitt. "You two..?"

"Almost." And that is actually the truth, isn't it. They almost did but Chittaphon ruined it. He forces himself to sound excited. "I'm sure we will fuck next time."

"Don't tell me that." Johnny says through gritted teeth. He sounds so angry that it actually shocks the younger one. He just stares at him for a couple of seconds before getting his excited face back on.

"Oh come on Johnny. We used to talk about these things. I wanna talk about it." _What the fuck am I doing?_ He thinks for a second. Why is he telling him this? But he knows the answer and he feels very very stupid for doing this for that reason. He wants Johnny to be jealous. Which is stupid because why would Johnny be jealous, he doesn't like him that way. "I'll probably go back tonight and get laid. Finally, after a such a long time."

Johnny's frown deepens and for a moment he looks fucking scary. For some unknown reason it makes Chittaphon continue. "And god, it will be something. He's such a good kisser Johnny, you have no idea. Better than you, for sure. I'm curious about how his lips will feel like on other places."

"Don't. Shut up!" Johnny bursts out all of a sudden and Chittaphon does exactly that. He shuts up. He's never seen Johnny like this. This upset.

The taller boy takes two big steps towards the Thai and grabs his arm. "That's all you care about? About getting fucked?"

"Johnny stop, you're scaring me." Chittaphon whispers as he's trying to get his arm out of Johnny's iron grip. It is true, he's scaring him, but on the other hand it makes him aroused and he's ashamed of himself.

Johnny lets go of his arm but takes hold of his face. Surprisingly gentle, despite being upset. "Do you really want it that much?"

"I don't know where you're going with that but stop." Chittaphon replies weakly, his knees weak just from being touched like this. He looks Johnny in the eyes and they're soft while the rest of his face is hardened with anger. His heart skips a beat. Oh god. They weren't this close since-

There are lips on his and palms on his hips and warmth against his chest and he sighs into the kiss.

"I can give you what you want from him. And I can do it better."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..uhm... Have you noticed the "eventual smut" tag? Yeah, this is the time. You don't have to read it if you're uncomfortable with reading smut, nothing else really happens in this chapter anyway.  
> Also, i am warning you, it's very poorly written. If you still like this, please leave comments. I love reading them. xx

Not even few hours ago, Johnny was nervous as hell because Chittaphon still hadn't come home and he didn't know where the younger boy was. Then he did come home just as Johnny was leaving. He told him to wait for him. They needed to talk. Johnny wanted to tell him how he really feels. He bought Chitt's favorite chocolates and then went home. Everything is against him though, because Chittaphon is dating Taeyong.

So why the hell is now the Thai boy pressed against him, his lips against his. He sighs into the kiss again, as Johnny's hands slip under his shirt. Chittaphon's body is warm and Johnny's head spins. This is wrong, he shouldn't be doing this, they shouldn't be doing this. Chittaphon is taken and the older like Taeyong, this isn't fair to him. But he also just can't accept that Chittaphon is someone else's. He needs him to be his. Sure, there are many ways to tell him without sleeping with him and making him cheat on his new boyfriend but he feels like Chitt wouldn't listen to him otherwise. And it's not like he's the only one doing this. Chittaphon is willing, pressing to him so close that he can feel his heart beating against his own chest.

Driven by all the feelings he has for his best friend and the lust and want he's feeling, he grabs Chittaphon by his thighs and lifts him up. The Thai wraps his legs around Johnny's middle and kisses him harder.   
Few steps backwards and he's opening the door to his bedroom with his elbow, kicking the door shut when they're inside. He wants him, he _needs_ him and they're probably going to regret doing this without talking about it first but he can't bring himself to care. Chitt's here, with him, actually with _him,_ and he's never felt happier.

The kiss is completely different from the ones they shared in the US, it's more animalistic, hurried, there's too much tongue and teeth but he loves it. He loves Chittaphon. Oh god, he _loves_ the boy.

"Stop me while you can. I'm not going to do it if you don't want me to." His brain is functioning enough to get this out even though it hurts just to stop kissing him. Chitt looks at him, his eyes dark with want, his cheeks adorable shade of red, lips swollen from all the kissing and biting.

"You said you can give it to me better than he could. Prove it."

And he is going to. He's going to make Chittaphon his, he needs to. He's never felt this way towards anyone. He's not going to let him go.

He puts him on the bed, gently, and kneels on the bed, each knee by Chitt's sides. He hovers over him before leaning down, kissing his neck. Something in him wants him to mark the boy up but he can't. How much he wants Chittaphon to be his, the Thai is still taken and he doesn't want to be that kind of person.

Chittaphon moans, loud and clear and beautiful and Johnny growls as certain part of his body shows interest. This is not about him, it's about Chitt, it's about making him feel good, but he can't help but to want him, want to be _inside_ him.  
He keeps kissing his jawline, biting it gently while his palm runs up and down his torso. Chitt's very slim but he's still soft at certain parts of his body, like his lower tummy, and Johnny loves that. Without hesitation, he moves down, takes Chittaphon's t-shirt off and presses his lips onto the soft skin of his stomach. Chitt whines softly, thrusting his hips up to be closer to Johnny's mouth and the older wants nothing more than to blow him off but it has to wait. He wants to worship him first, shower him with all the affection and love that he has for him. He wants Chitt to feel _that_ before he feels any kind of pleasure.

Suddenly, there are fingers in Johnny's hair, tugging on it, forcing his head down to his crotch.

"You gotta wait, baby." Johnny laughs, the pet name slipping out without noticing.

"I need you."

Johnny looks up and almost chokes. Chittaphon's back is arched beautifully, head lolled back, his mouth slightly open and he's flushed and sweaty and absolutely beautiful.

He unzips his pants and slides them down Chitt's legs but leaves his boxer shorts on for now. He wants to tease him for few more minutes, rile him up, make him desperate for him.   
Once the pants are off he goes back to kissing his stomach, then moves to kiss his inner thighs, biting the soft flesh but not enough to leave a mark, even though he really wants to. The younger keeps moaning, almost sounding upset and Johnny would never thought that Chitt would be this vocal in bed. On the other hand, Johnny has never thought about Chitt in bed in general, until few days ago.

He starts nibbling on his hip bones while taking the boxers off and the Thai whines as Johnny's other hand takes a hold of his dick. Johnny leans in, taking the tip into his mouth and sucks. The sound that Chittaphon makes is out of this world. Johnny wants nothing more than to hear this as often as possible. He sticks out his tongue, pressing it to the underside of his friend's member and takes him in deeper, hollowing his cheeks as he goes. Chitt tugs on his hair harder, thrusting up and Johnny relaxes his throat. Normally, he doesn't do this. He doesn't give blowjobs and he never _ever_ lets anyone fuck his face. But this is Chittaphon. And he will do anything to make him happy.

Chitt doesn't stop thrusting into his mouth, completely lost in his own pleasure. Then Johnny's name leaves his lips and the older can't take it anymore. He needs him. Now.

He pulls away and reaches to his bed side table to fish out lube and condoms from the top drawer. Chittaphon is watching him with half lidded eyes. "Don't." he whispers when he sees the foil. "I wanna feel you."

"It will get messy." John says but hell, he doesn't want to use the condom either.

"You'll take care of it, won't you." Chitt smiles softly. "Just like you're taking care of me."

At that, Johnny kisses him again, claiming his mouth. It's better than he could ever imagine. He puts the bottle on the bed, throwing the condom at the table. Then he takes off his shirt and pants. Chittaphon smirks as he sees him getting undressed and sits up, leaning in and starts kissing Johnny's chest. His lips are soft and it feels good but he needs him.

"Lay down baby. Spread your legs for me."

He opens the bottle, pouring some of the gel onto his fingers, then spreading it all over his dick. Then he lines himself up with Chittaphon's entrance and pushes in, slowly. It's all slow. And gentle. Because he would never want to hurt his baby. He's careful, patient, giving Chittaphon enought time to adjust, caressing his thighs to get his mind off the uncomfortable pain. He whispers sweet nothings into Chittaphon's ear just as he starts moving, enjoying the feeling of the younger's nails digging into his shoulders. He soon finds out that the Thai isn't that loud once they're actually doing it, he lets out breathless moans and quiet whines. It's quiet and calm and gentle and Johnny doesn't want this to end, ever. He doesn't want to face the consequences. All he wants is to stay like this, burried deep inside the tiny boy, to feel his insides clenching around him.

He wants to tell him, wants to whisper how much he loves him. But he can't. It's not the time. He wants Chittaphon to hear him, to focus on him when he says it. And now, the younger boy's mind is clouded with lust and it wouldn't do any good.

"I'm so close." Chittaphon says, hugging Johnny and the older speeds up his thrust, chasing his own climax. When he reaches it, everything turns white and all he can hear is Chitt's "yes yes yes" as he fills him up.

***

When he pulls out carefully, Chittaphon is almost asleep. He cleans him quickly, laying behind him after, spooning him. They need to talk. And they will. After they wake up.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so as you may noticed, I changed the number of chapters, so this is the last one. Originally, there was supposed to be 20 chapters but to be honest, I don't feel like writing this anymore. I've wanted to delete this story since chapter ten and now, i just decided to end it, as soon as I can. Yes, the ending is a bit rushed. But I know that this story is not my best and I am not proud of it so I couldn't bring myself to try harder, I am sorry.  
> Anyway, thank you all for the support, for kudos and comments, for your kind words and advices. It really means a lot to me.   
> If you still like this chapter, please leave a comment. I know I don't like this so I won't be surprised if you don't either.   
> Love you. xx

Johnny stirrs awake only to find the bed empty. And stained. He sighs and rubs his face. Then he gets dressed and leaves the room. He hoped that Chittaphon would be beside him when he wakes up. But he probably ruined everything.

Chitt is in the kitchen, headphones on, so he doesn't hear Johnny coming in. He's limping and Johnny wants to slap himself. He was so lost in the moment that he didn't do everything properly. He tried to be as gentle as possible, obviously, yet he still hurt him.

"Chitt." he puts him hand on the Thai's shoulder, careful not to startle him much. The smaller man turns around and his face falls.

"Oh..Johnny."

Johnny's heart breaks a little. This is not good.

"Can we talk?" he asks, hopeful. There are few things they need to set straight. He needs to tell him how he feels. He needs to get it all out or he'll go crazy.

"I don't think so." the younger shakes his head and steps away. "I need to...go to Taeyong's."

"Like this?" he says, desperate. "Do you want him to find out straight away that you cheated on him?"

Something in Chittaphon expression changes and he sighs before walking away, just to sit on the couch, carefully. "I didn't cheat."

Johnny frowns. What? Yes he did, even if he doesn't want to admit it, he had sex with someone else other than his boyfriend. That is cheating, as far as Johnny knows. It's the reason why him and Taeil broke up.

"I.. fuck, Johnny sit down will you." Chittaphon groans and Johnny does as he's told, without hesitation. "I didn't cheat. You gotta be taken to cheat on someone, right?"

"Yes? Taeyong? Your boyfriend?" The older is confused. What is going on. "Aren't you dating him?"

"I, actually, am not." The Thai nods. "I...can't date him,because I love someone else."

Johnny's heart clenchces. Is this real? Is this a joke? A cruel, very cruel joke?   
He bites his lip and says nothing. He doesn't know what he should say anyway. Is it him? Does Chittaphon love him? Was it all just to make him jealous? Is that why he was so upset when he saw him kissing Taeil?  
What the hell is even going on.

"You're not going to ask who is it? I just said I am in love, that's pretty big. Don't you want to know?" He says, chuckling, but he sounds somewhat sad.

Johnny shakes his head. "Do I want to know? Do you think I want to know who do you, the person _I am_ in love with, love?"   
There, he said it. No lies, he had several different speeches prepared in his head, every single one was too sweet and sickeningly romantic and he just wanted to confess like this because it's Chitt and he's special. Instead, he said it like this. As if it's a bad thing.

"You don't love me. You're...you're with Taeil. I saw you two kissing." Now, they're both equally confused and upset and Chittaphon wants to slap Johnny. "If you love me, why didn't you tell me?"

"When? When you told me you had a boyfriend? Or when you came home, telling me that you want to fuck him? When was I supposed to tell you, Chittaphon? And what would it even change. You love someone else. So just.. forget it."

"It's you." the smaller boy whispers. "It's you the whole time. It's been you since I saw you kissing Hansol, it's been you since you kissed me in your parents' house. It's been you this whole time."

They stare at each other dumbly for few seconds, before Johnny moves closer to his best friend, leaning in to hug him, because he couldn't think of anything else.

"Don't touch me."

"You don't even want to hug your boyfriend?"

"Who said I wanted to date you?" he laughs but lets Johnny hug him anyway. They're both dumb and they really need to talk, they need to learn to talk to each other but at least they cofessed. Somehow.

"Do you want to? Date me, I mean."

"I honestly don't even know."

***

Few weeks have passed. Seoul is covered in snow, it's freezing and Johnny huffs as he can't get the freaking tree to stand straight. "Why exactly are we even doing this? It's not like we're going to be here for Christmas."

"I want this place to look nice." Chittaphon says, not even looking up. "And _we_ are not doing anything. You are doing this." then he  goes back to reading his book. Johnny smiles. Of course, Chitt as he knows him is finally back.

It took them several late night talks and arguments to get where they are. At the beginning again. They decided to stay friends, to see if what they're feeling is real. They don't want to rush into anything, not that there is a lot to rush into in the first place. They already kissed and had sex. But they agreed to take it slow so that's what they're doing.

But the thing is, that Johnny feels like Chittaphon doesn't feel anything. Before, he used to stare at him and blush when Johnny caught him. Now, he's not even looking at him, like ever. Which scares Johnny as he's still head over heels for the boy. Sometimes, more often than not, he just wants to pull him close and kiss him until both of them can't breathe. But they're friends and that's not what friends do. So he doesn't do anything, he's just waiting for any kind of sign from the other one. But honestly, he doubts that there ever will be any kind of a sign.

"Oh by the way, Johnny. Does your mom know that we're in fact not dating?"

Now he is looking at him and Johnny blushes. "Well...I haven't told her yet." he admits and feels stupid for it. It's been almost a month and she still thinks they're together.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yes, good. Wouldn't it be weird telling her we're together, again?"

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd


End file.
